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1. |
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writing songs is so embarrassing
but if you can, so can i
and living feels impossible
but i don’t wanna die
i’m sorry for your loss
sorrier for me
but i can’t pry your eyes open
if you don’t wanna see
you think you’re oh so special
to be handled with kid gloves
maybe if you could buy a couch,
you’d have a better shot at love.
i’m prone to overwatering,
but i can’t make you grow.
i hate that songs are meant to hear
but i’ll put on a show
‘cause people love a love song
which you’re too scared to write
so you go off and write a myth
to help you sleep at night
but myths are fucking boring
all dragons filled with smoke
oh yeah i get the metaphor
but you don’t get the joke
your fears become my failings
your sandstorm now my dust
if you won’t look inside yourself
i guess i fucking must
i’ll look and look and look and look
i’ll blink and squint and see
i’ll wonder where the hell you went
i’ll train my gaze on me
i wrote a song 10 years ago
but it’s still very true
and that is so pathetic
but mostly so for you
'cause people love a ditty
they love a little rhyme
so here we are again i guess
we’re swinging back in time
it doesn’t make you interesting
it doesn’t make you deep
to sting the person lying there
helping you to sleep
it doesn’t make you interesting
it doesn’t make you deep
to sting the person lying there
singing you to sleep
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2. |
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i thought you were scared of my birthday
i feared i was somehow to blame
but now i can see what was scary
was cake with someone else's name
it's so hard to not be important
it's so tough to take a back seat
poor baby, you want to have your cake
and eat and eat and eat
and his cake and their cake and my cake
but still you can't enjoy the taste
on your tongue, the flour just crumbles
the sugar turns right into paste
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3. |
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i'm walking past the hammock where we made out,
and talked to our friend about his friend breakup
with our other friend
and later, his real breakup with our other friend
but he was too weird to call it that then
i'm looking at the window where i lived
where you guys threw candy, when i was sick.
we got ice cream, he made you swear
you’d eat that gross combination on a dare,
and you won the privilege
to get it forever for free
it was here
it was there
it was ours
it was here
it was there
it was ours
i'm looking at the building where you threw
those great dance parties, and me & you
and all of us would jump and scream
mr. brightside, teenage dream,
our other friend woke us up
strumming lakes of canada
and now the doorway where we kissed
and now the courtyard where i cried
and the place where your parents bought us dinner
and we couldn’t drink, but lied
that was here
that was there
that was ours
that was here
that was there
that was ours
and the bar where our friend always sang
and the theater where we did my play
and the place where you and i saw that show
about the end of the world
and the place where i spilled wine at your concert,
and later our friend saw his future wife
when i ran into her i couldn't believe
who she was searching for
our friends were close
our friends were near
i don't wanna go home
but i can't stay here
we were here
we were there
we were ours
we were here
we were there
we were ours
we were here
we were there
we were ours
we were here
we were there
we were ours
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4. |
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what if i became a carnivore
what if i became a cannibal
what if i ate boys' baby toes
what if i became an animal
what if i became a murderer
what if i became an arsonist
what if i robbed a fucking bank
what if i became a grand larcenist
lalalalala
i’ll just listen to podcasts
lalalalala
about fucked up men
lalalalala
i'll just go for a run and
lalalalala
circle back again
what if i became a bodybuilder
what if i became a movie star
what if i became a novelist
and told the whole world just who you are
what if i sent out an email blast
what if i smudged your sacred name
what if i became a whole new person
but you stayed totally the same
lalalalala
i’ll just read a book and
lalalalala
intellectualize
lalalalala
i’ll just go do a dance class
lalalalala
learn to swallow lies
maybe i will
maybe i won’t
isn’t it fun to wonder
if i didn’t know you
then you didn’t know me
or what someone might uncover
maybe i will
maybe i won’t
isn’t it fun to wonder
if i didn’t know you
then you didn’t know me
or what someone might uncover
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5. |
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the alarm goes off, jolting us with a start
leaving this bubble is the worst part
heavy thuds on the steps till my legs start to work
nonsense mumbles and stumbles and smirks
frozen waffles and cups of tea
a head on a shoulder, a hand on a knee
morning stretches in morning glow
the dog looking at us in the window
and the fish in the tank glimmer and glide
soaring together, they climb and sweep
their colors sparkle in the light
they start in the shallow and move so deep
some party water to kick off the night
a midnight snack, turn off the light
fix the projector, wait for the bus
my temperature’s dropping
more blankets on us
a song in the morning, to set the tone
a song in the evening, we’re never alone
a song on your mind, on the tip of my tongue
we’re making it up and singing along
and the fish in the tank glimmer and glide
soaring together, they climb and sweep
their colors sparkle in the light
they start in the shallow and move so deep
i love to watch them
i love to watch you
they orbit each other
they know what to do
i love to watch them
i love to watch you
they orbit each other
they know what to do
and the fish in the tank glimmer and glide
soaring together, they climb and sweep
their colors sparkle in the light
they start in the shallow and move so deep
the fish in the tank glimmer and glide
soaring together, they climb and sweep
their colors sparkle in the light
they start in the shallow and move so deep
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6. |
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so i hear you’re doing great though you’re a little sad
and i hear you’re sorting out your noncommittal fad
so i hear you’re moving out and moving right along
and i hear you’re feeling ready and you’re moving on
that’s what i hear but what about you
do you hear rapturous rumors too
that’s what i hear but you know what i think
i need a break, i need a drink
i need to hear it’s all hearsay
i want to have a quiet day
and when you hear whispers in your mind
you’ll hear the echoes i left behind
so i hear you’re throwing parties and you’re smiling
and i hear all your accomplishments are piling
so i hear you’re at the wedding and you brought a date
and i hear your speech was cute and fun and really great
that’s what i hear but what about you
do you hear sparkly rumors too
that’s what i hear but you know what i think
i need a break, i need a drink
i need to hear it’s all hearsay
i want to have a quiet day
but when you hear whispers in your mind
hope you hear the echoes i left behind
it’s fricken’ cool
it’s fricken’ great
to be detached and so sedate
it’s a little disturbing
you shut it out
but it’s not my job to build up a breakdown
that’s what i hear but what about you
do you hear all sorts of rumors too
that’s what i hear but you know what i think
i need a break, i need a drink
i need to hear it’s all hearsay
i want to have a quiet day
but when you hear whispers in your mind
listen to the echoes i left behind
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7. |
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you’re all together in the park
raising your glasses high
i’m here i’m gone i’m far away
but look my eyes are dry
i can’t see any evidence
i can’t see any sign
i can’t unzip my fucking dress
but i’m not gonna cry
you’re closing ranks, you’re shutting out
you’re falling right in line
you’d hate to feel uncomfortable
it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine
you close your eyes, you open wide
you’re soaking up the perks
the tears can moisturize my cheeks
or is that not how it works
i can’t see any evidence
i can’t see you’re alive
i can’t unhook my necklace
i hope you know i tried
you’re staking out the neighborhood
you’re laying down a line
i guess I’ll never walk that way
it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine
i used to be a part of it
but now I’m just apart
you used to be a part of me
you used to have my heart
you’re blocking out the block party
you’re hogging all the wine
you’re tagging the entire town
it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine
i’ll find a new one if i must
in stunning, record time
you take the dawn, i’ll take the dusk
it’s mine it’s mine it’s mine
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8. |
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don’t give me thoughts and prayers
don’t give me tears
give me back sanity
give me back years
don’t say “you’re better off”
don’t say “how sad”
say sociopathy’s
hard to unpack
please don’t say things happen for a reason
'cause reason left me long ago
and reasoning only makes me feel crazy
throw me a goddamn bone
don’t ask me how i am
don’t ask me where i live
ask me how i could ever
forget or forgive
don’t offer me a hug
don’t offer me a date
offer me textbooks, yeah
that would be fucking great
please don’t say things happen for a reason
cause reason left me long ago
and reasoning only makes me feel crazy
throw me a goddamn bone
give me a diagnosis baby
give me the DSM-5
give me the exact time of his projected mental breakdown
make me feel alive
please don’t say things happen for a reason
cause reason left me long ago
and reasoning only makes me feel crazy
throw me a goddamn bone
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9. |
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if i have to cry in one more fucking rock club
i’m going to lose my mind
if i have to see graffiti in a green room
and smell the dank inside
if i have to think of all the times i watched you
looking up from below
i’m gonna throw up all my fucking tickets
to every fucking show
but i love the stickers
and i love the noise
and i loved the people
even the stupid boys
if i have to round one more fucking corner
on the lower east side
if i have to hear one more fucking sound check
i’ll wish that i’d just died
if i have to overhear baby rockstars
planning their next fucking tour
then i’m gonna scream or i’ll have to whisper
that i would have stayed to hear more
‘cause i love the stickers
and i love the noise
and i loved the people
even the stupid boys
and they were my stickers
and it was my noise
and they were my people
even the stupid boys
thank you for the wristbands
fuck you for the door
you shut out the music
we’d stuck around for
thank you for the wristbands
fuck you for the door
you shut out the music
we’d stuck around for
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10. |
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in another world
it’s me & you
driving our kids to school
in that universe
you shoot some hoops
after ring toss in the pool
and we pick tomatoes for the salad
and chop them roughly with the greens
and you pick the record as i squeeze your shoulder
and we do this every night and we grow older
in another life
we drive out east
for our anniversary
and for twenty-five
maybe thirty
we plant a willow tree
and we pick tomatoes for the salad
and chop them roughly with the greens
and you pick the record as i squeeze your shoulder
and we do this happily as we grow older
it’s not the one we’re living
it’s not the one we’re in
but can’t you almost taste them
can’t you feel their skin
we won’t pick tomatoes for the salad
and chop them roughly with the greens
you won’t pick the record as i squeeze your shoulder
we won’t do this anymore as we grow older
so i’ll pick tomatoes for the salad
and chop them roughly with the greens
you can’t pick the record as i squeeze your shoulder
you can’t do it, but you know you’ll still grow older
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11. |
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i always loved your eyes
always loved your laugh
always loved your passion
i always loved your lips
always loved your talent
your sense of fashion
i thought i'd found something special
like no one had ever found before
i thought that this was it
and i couldn't imagine wanting more
your mama knows you're wonderful
your sister knows it too
your friends don't even question it
they just think that it's true
your new girl knows you're wonderful
just like i thought i knew
but no one knows you're wonderful
better than you do
because you always loved your eyes
always loved your laugh
always loved your passion
you always loved your lips
always loved your talent
your sense of fashion
you've always known you were special
like no one had ever found before
and you knew i'd think that this was it
'cause how could i possibly ever want more
your mama knows you're wonderful
your sister knows it too
your friends don't even question it
they just think that it's true
your new girl knows you're wonderful
just like i thought i knew
but no one knows you're wonderful
better than you do
you say you like cookies
and fancy sushi
you say you like sports
you say you like me
you say you like music
and you like to sing
but baby you are your own
favorite thing
your mama knows you're wonderful
your sister knows it too
your friends don't even question it
they just think that it's true
your new girl knows you're wonderful
just like i thought i knew
but no one knows you're wonderful
better than you do
you're the cherry on top
you're the cat's meow
you're the top banana
so take a bow
you’re your one true love
you're your own best friend
you're your own beginning
and your own end
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12. |
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you twist yourself in such a knot
to dump your shame on me
and throw your blame on me
and shove your pain on me
your goggles are so clouded up
no wonder you can’t see
the shit that you can’t see
you won’t let yourself see
this wasn’t my problem
but you made it my problem
and that’s a problem now
you don’t wanna solve it
you’re not gonna solve it
you’re not gonna figure it out
you’re such a little scaredy cat
yeah you’re so full of shit
your story’s full of shit
your song is full of shit
you tell yourself a fairytale
your girlfriend’s gonna change
your life is gonna change
and you are gonna change
but this isn't my problem
and you made it my problem
so that’s a problem now
you don’t wanna solve it
you’re not gonna solve it
you’re not gonna figure it out
fuck your fucking phone call
fuck your fucking fears
fuck your fucking email
fuck your crocodile tears
fuck your fucking phone call
fuck your fucking fears
fuck your fucking email
fuck your crocodile tears
this isn't my problem
but you made it my problem
you made it our problem now
you’re not gonna solve it
congrats, i solved it
thank god i figured it out
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13. |
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pack your own fucking snack
like a grownup
these pretzels
can't make you feel loved
and i fed you grapes
like a Roman
but always when
push came to shove
it was not enough
it was not enough
it was not enough
read a real fucking book
like a grownup
kids' stories
can't make you a kid
and i wove us
tales of potential
you never opened,
just pretended you did
that was not enough
that was not enough
that was not enough
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14. |
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gold bomber jackets and gold handbags
gold sparkly t-shirts and gold luggage tags
gold fitted sweaters and gold shiny hoops
running it back through my mind on a loop
you gave me gold but I already had it
you gave me gold but I already knew
that it was in me and that it was magic
that it was mine, so was briefly yours too
gold zipper wallets and gold raincoats
gold backpacks and gold pool floats
gold tangled necklaces, gold candy rabbits
gold chocolate coins can’t make golden habits
you gave me gold but I already had it
you gave me gold but I already knew
that it was in me and that it was magic
that i was lucky, but so were you
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